


Bittersweet (Annie Leonhardt x Female!Reader x Mikasa Ackerman)

by CarrieMadeleineGara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps - Freeform, 104th Training Corps Shenanigans, 57th Expedition, Annie is still a warrior, Annie's last name is spelt Leonhardt, Blood, Canon, Carrie Gara, Cheating, Cross-Posted on Quotev, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Death, F/F, Fanfic, Fanfiction, Female Titan Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Follows the anime closely, Gore, Jealousy, Lesbian, Love, Love Triangles, Manga & Anime, Mikasa Ackerman x Reader, Mikasa's last name is spelt Ackerman, Military Police, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-57th Expedition, Post-Female Titan Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pre-57th Expedition, Reader is a soldier, Reader-Insert, Recon Corps, Romance, Season 1, Secret Relationship, She interacts witht he reader for maybe a chapter max, Sneaking Out, Titan, Titan Shifters, Training, Training Corps - Freeform, Trost, Two Lovers, Up to chapter 32 of the manga, Why isn't 'Cross-Posted on Quotev' a normal tag yet??, and I try not to shove her down your throat, annie leonhardt x reader, annie leonhart x reader, aot - Freeform, aot x reader, attack on titan - Freeform, expeditions, gxg, in the closet, mikasa ackermann x reader, no Mikannie, secretly lesbian, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, snk, survey corps, there is one oc, titan killing, wlw, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarrieMadeleineGara/pseuds/CarrieMadeleineGara
Summary: Mikasa Ackerman and (Y/N) (L/N), two soldiers in training who have been hiding their relationship ever since it started -as per the former's wishes.  The latter isn't completely ok with this however, and starts to feel insecure about their relationship.  To help with this, (Y/N) asks Annie Leonhardt, an apathetic blonde in the same training corps as her and her girlfriend, for assistance.  But she grows to regret that decision when she starts to develop feelings for Annie, soon being forced to chose between the two girls who have claimed her heart.((Up to Chapter 4 written!!))
Relationships: Annie Leonhardt & Reader, Annie Leonhardt & You, Annie Leonhardt/Reader, Annie Leonhardt/Reader/Mikasa Ackerman, Annie Leonhardt/You, Annie Leonhart & Reader, Annie Leonhart/Reader, Annie Leonhart/You, Armin Arlert & Reader, Eren Yeager & Reader, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager & Reader, Mikasa Ackerman & Reader, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart/Reader, Mikasa Ackerman/Reader, Mikasa Ackerman/You, Mikasa Ackermann & Reader, Mikasa Ackermann & You, Mikasa Ackermann/Reader, Mikasa Ackermann/You
Comments: 26
Kudos: 278





	1. Cut-Outs

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! I'm dropping by to let y'all know that I also have this story on my Quotev (https://www.quotev.com/CarrieMadeleineGara) and on my Wattpad (https://www.wattpad.com/user/CarrieMadeleineGara) in case you prefer to read on those sites! ^^
> 
> ((Also, it may take me a little while to respond to comments, but I promise that if I feel that they're addressing me, I will respond to them eventually ^^''))
> 
> Thank you so much for checking this out!! :3

**Thursday, April 4, 850 at 11:31**

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

‘ _The Walls, where_ is _she?_ ’ your paranoid thought rolled about your head as you were constantly glancing around at your surroundings, making sure to keep your eyes and ears alert as you kept watch for any sudden movement that would tell you she was nearby.

The lush and vibrant trees provided a calm, soothing rustle as their leaves danced in the sunlight -and the various birds that joined in with it made a nice melody- quite the contrast from your erratically beating heart that was effectively pumping adrenaline throughout the entirety of your body. Your (H/C) hair fussed wildly around your head in the false wind produced from your 3DMG, the wires shooting out at your command and accelerating you in your desired direction -hopefully away from her. Having just given it your all in your efforts to lose her, you let out a few quiet pants from your prior exhaustion, feeling it slowly catching up to you but not yet strong enough to make you fly to a nearby tree branch to take a quick break, ‘ _After all, who knows if I actually managed to shake her off? That girl can be deadly silent if she wants to, I know that for sure._ ’ At that thought, your mind flashed back to every single time you’ve been just minding your own business; every example almost always ending with you jumping when she seemed to appear out of thin air -although you couldn’t help but admit to yourself that your viewpoints were at least a little biased.

Yet despite everything that was going on, you were having the time of your life.

A barely audible stir sounded from behind you as you bobbed upwards with your gear, causing you to whip your head around to see if the person you were trying to hide from was there. However, you were left utterly surprised and with a sinking feeling in your gut when your spheres searched the scene and came up empty, ‘ _Huh? I_ swore _I heard something behind me,_ ’ you reasoned with yourself as you sank lower once more, starting to turn your focus back in front of you, ‘ _Maybe it was just a squirrel or something...? I don’t know, that sounds too cliché to be-_ ’

“Gah!”

A scream ripped out of your throat as the one you were trying to avoid popped up not too far in front of you, her usual blank face mostly present -save for the faint mischievous smile that was painted on her lips and the soft twinkle hidden deep within her lead orbs. “How’d you even do that?!” you cried, mouth open in partial shock as you slowed yourself down, your girlfriend doing the same -but backwards as she stayed facing you- shortly after. The girl only let the small grin grow, a teasing aspect about her as she spoke up, “I used my gear.” You could only roll your (E/C) orbs as you flew off to a nearby tree branch, the ravenette close behind.

It was a rather sunny day, breeze-free and oddly warm for the beginning of April -yet you didn’t dare think about it, choosing to bask in the gift nature graced you with than inquire about it. Shadis had informed you and the rest of the 104th Trainee Corps that today was a wonderful day to get some 3DMG practice in, something he quite often liked to incorporate into your training for reasons you couldn’t fathom -other than the loathable man simply being sadistic. Earlier when said training had just begun, you, Mikasa, Armin and Eren had all been in a self-formed group, but you and Mikasa had managed to sneak off from them, leaving the blonde and brunette to handle themselves to find wooden titan cut-outs to ‘kill.’

And it was these rare moments alone with the girl that you cherished the most; given that they were seemingly few and far between.

The heels of your boots landed onto the wood with a dull click, the same sound soon replicated as Mikasa followed your example, “I thought I was doing so good though…” you mumbled out in partial disappointment, ‘ _I really thought that I had lost her back there, but yet again, she manages to surprise me. At some point I’m going to be surprised when she doesn’t, only resulting in the same problem once again._ ’

“Don’t worry about it,” she spoke smoothly, putting a finger under your chin as she gained your attention, meeting her coal eyes up to yours, “You’ll stump me one of these days.” Closing the distance, she brought her soft and plump lips to yours as she kissed you briefly and gently, captivating you with their intoxicating ability and leaving your lips with a tingling feeling. Just as you had realized what was happening though, it was already over.

Resisting the urge to let out a whine, you opted to murmur out your doubt to her statement, “You sure…?”

“Mhm,” she affirmed, humming and showing you the small curvature fabricating on her lips before she pulled away, “Now let’s go beat Eren, yeah?” she encouraged, referencing the so-called dare the turquoise-eyed male had made at the start of practice today about who could get the most training points -as he always did. The smile you gave in response to her words was bright, reflecting how happy you were just being yourself with your partner, “Sounds like a plan!” If you had to be honest, you weren’t one hundred percent sure what the adolescent saw in you. That wasn’t to say that you were ugly or dumb -no, you considered yourself no less than average looking, and you actually picked up on things rather quickly in your opinion- but you always felt the smallest bit insecure about your relationship solely because of how talented and pretty the oriental girl was.

When she had asked you out, you had been utterly shocked, not expecting someone like _her_ -the all mighty and perfect Mikasa- to like _you_ -someone who struggled with basic hand-to-hand combat. Granted, you never actually put any effort into it -so you supposed you could have some hidden potential talent there- but you had never had enough interest to push yourself to try harder, ‘ _We’re not graded on it anyways, so there’s not really a point_.’

The both of you jumped off of the sturdy branch, soon after swinging up and down between the trees as you both made your way either further into or out of the forest. Looking to her, you shot out your wires and pressed the trigger on your one handle to boost yourself with gas, ‘ _She is really pretty though, shiny beautiful straight hair, pudgy lips, symmetrical face, captivating eyes… I genuinely believe that she could have gotten anyone here to date her, but she chose me._ ’ You knew for a fact that she could’ve asked Jean Kirstein out -an overly pompous male whose only goal here in the military was to get further into the Walls- and even though she’s confessed to you that you’re the only one who makes her heart beat faster or the only one who can make her properly blush, that self-doubt still swirled deep within your conscious.

“Up ahead.” she voiced, nodding her head to her left a little as she called out for your attention. Moving your sight to where she directed, you could easily see the wooden cut-out of what looked to be a nine to ten metre titan, the both of you wordlessly zooming closer to the false beast in unison once she knew you had seen it. It was only when you neared it that her quiet voice spoke up again, “Go ahead and get it first,” she started, “I know you need the points.”

As much as you would’ve liked to have refused the offer and let the dark-haired girl go first, she was right -you desperately needed the points and honestly couldn’t afford to let her take the lead. So without much of a choice, you sent her a guilty and apologetic grin before shooting yourself ahead, swinging down towards its ankles first to cut those out before bringing you and your blades closer to its faux neck to carve out a wedge. As gracefully as you could manage, you flew yourself past its nape without looking back just yet, choosing to instead quickly shoot your wires to the nearest trunk of bark available to observe how well -or badly- you had done.

With your lower back flat against the tree, you gripped your handles tight with a huff and scanned over the nape of said cut-out -seeing that while you did cut the neck somewhat properly- you didn’t do it as deeply as you should have, causing a small bit of annoyance to stem within you, ’ _I should really be more concerned about this, after all, this could end up getting me killed one day._ ’ Momentarily dropping your spheres to the slice of wood that had fallen onto the grass-covered ground, you picked your eyes back up when you head a burst of steam, a flash of white zooming around the titan for a second before a loud clash was heard -a set of sharp blade metal against modified oak. And based on the second wedge that had joined your first one, you could only assume that your girlfriend had managed to cut the nape of the pretend beast as well -albeit more effectively than you.

Mikasa landed on a nearby tree, a little lower than you -but within hearing distance- as she looked up at you as if she _hadn’t_ just done something that seemed impossible to others -you yourself had been starting to question if it was physically possible to cut the nape as Shadis instructed until just now, “We should start heading back,” she informed nonchalantly, breathing regularly and taking a second to look up to the sky as if she was able to see the sun “We don’t have a lot of time left.”

“I suppose you’re right,” you agreed, “Let’s go.”

The both of you leisurely started to go towards the direction where you believed everyone else to be, you bringing up some dialogue as the two of you strung yourselves along, “How did you do that so quickly?” you quizzed, still stuck on what she had done a few minutes ago at most, “I mean, I’ve been trying to make a cut like that since our very first training exercise, and you just casually did it but like ten times faster than I could’ve ever dreamed.”

The young woman coughed slightly into her elbow, soon after hiking her crimson scarf up the lower parts of her face, “I’m not sure,” came her voice, albeit it partly muffled behind the beloved fabric, “I was tryⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ⁱᵐᵖ⁻...” Even though you did your best to catch onto her words at the end, you were unable to -and you supposed that if you weren’t currently swinging through the air at high speeds, you would have been able to make out the end of her sentence. But given that you _were_ and the air was swiftly blowing past your ears, you missed the end of her phrase. “I’m sorry, what?”

She turned towards you now, her face holding the smallest rouge tint to it as she spoke up once again, the only thing different being that she was louder this time, “I was trying to impress you.” You could feel yourself redden this time -and despite you being a tad bit flustered- you still broke out into a grin that the girl would try and do something like that, ‘ _Not like it takes much from her for her to impress me, but she doesn’t need to know that._ ’

“Oh Mika, you don’t have to worry about impressing me or anything,” you reassured the female, just about to say more when she suddenly cut you off in a hushed, almost panicked shush with widened orbs of grey, “ˢʰʰ...!” It was so uncharacteristic of the girl to be afraid of something, to be as anxious as she seemed to be right now; it was a side of her that no one but you ever saw you supposed, and one that you would have never guessed to ever see when you first met her based on her independent and somewhat strict personality. Not long after the sound had managed to escape her mouth you heard an all too familiar voice call out through the forest on your right, “Hey Armin, I think I finally did it!”

Oh, how you’ve grown to almost hate that loud, boisterous vocalisation that belonged to none other than _Eren Jaeger_. The boy was constantly dragging Mikasa away from you in your scarce moments together, and to top it all off, he was the main reason that the prodigy and you kept your relationship a secret. And yet, you still cared for him deep down because, despite it all, _it wasn’t his fault_. It was no one’s really, no one except for perhaps you for having a problem with it.

But that didn’t mean that you were always happy to see him.

You frowned as you saw Mikasa -with her once more emotionless façade- veer off to the loud-mouthed male without a second glance to you, hating the jealousy that bubbled within you, ‘ _I know that she doesn’t like him, and I’m almost certain that he doesn’t like her, but it still hurts…_ ’ Soon you were able to see the trainee and his friend, his seemingly always present bobbed best friend to the boy’s right -the both of them unaware of either of your presences so far, “I don’t know Eren,” Armin admitted, “Mikasa’s pretty advanced.”

“Well, yeah, but-” you tuned out their conversation, feeling a little too downcast to force yourself to listen, instead following after your partner with weighed down lips as you watched the oaken haired male jump in surprise -Mikasa scaring her adoptive brother almost the same way that she had to you not too long ago, ‘ _See, it wasn’t anything special what happened before. She treats me like she does her friends -or even worse, siblings- and-_ ’ you cut your thoughts off, shaking your head in disappointment to yourself, ‘ _No (Y/N), stop it. She just isn’t ready yet._ ’

“(Y/N)! How many did you kill?” Eren bellowed out.

‘ _H-Huh? Oh yeah, the dummies._ ’ Recalling what you had done, you counted in your head, now at Mikasa’s left side as the four of you were lined up from your left to right; first you, then Mikasa, Eren and finally Armin, “I think I only managed to snag two,” you admitted, looking down a little in embarrassment at your slight incompetence -to be fair, you weren’t looking for the fake titans for about half of the allotted time, instead choosing to enjoy your limited time with Mikasa.

“Really?” he asked in surprise, brows raising as he processed your answer, “What happened? I know you’ve done better before.”

“I was a little distracted…” you confessed, a small blush on your face as you recalled the quick kiss you had shared with Mikasa. “By what?” he inquired, confused as he looked back to you from his position slightly in front, his topaz hues landing first on you before they drifted over to Mikasa and gained a jovial aspect about them, “Oh, wait… don’t tell me it’s because of her.” he jested, a slight sparkle in his juvenile eyes as he teased you. In your head he seemed to almost double over in his own humourless joke, losing himself in his obnoxious, irritating laugh as he went completely oblivious to the way Mikasa paled over -said girl soon jumping in and speaking up, “She isn’t.”

This was something that Eren had been doing a lot recently; making comments about you and Mikasa potentially being together. You weren’t completely sure if he was trying to hint to the both of you that he was aware of your relationship or not, however -as rude as it sounded- you figured that might be expecting a little too much from the usually unobservant boy. Despite his comments though, they never really bothered you. The blunt way Mikasa always said no however did -you were used to the more caring side of the woman, not this almost cold side of her as she blatantly denied your relationship without a second missed. The metaphorical dagger her words represented stored itself deep in your heart, the emotional pain becoming apparent immediately as you fought back a grimace, ‘ _I don’t wanna have to hide myself like this, but… I don’t wanna lose Mikasa even more. She’s so kind and caring, protective even when it’s just us, it would be a dream come true if she would just be ok with our relationship being open._ ’

Snapping yourself back into reality, you heard Shadis’ booming voice ring throughout the trees, “ ** _Return to base right now unless you’d like to be on latrine duty, shit-faces!_** ” You could only resist the roll of your eyes that you felt coming on, feeling bothered by the subject of your previous thought and the fact that you had to head back to the training grounds to start yet another training exercise -seeing as it wasn’t even halfway into the day.

You pried yourself away from your negative outlook and noted to yourself how Eren was now babbling away to Armin, the both of them going ahead as the rather quiet and shy cerulean eyed teen became absorbed in the same conversation as the one who started it. That wasn’t what was capturing your attention the most though -no, that was saved for the fact that Mikasa was slowing down and hanging around you, not keeping up with the other two soldiers in training as she looked to you briefly. She nodded her head over to the side, signalling to you without words that she wanted to speak to you in private.

And when she expertly used her gear to expertly manoeuvre herself above the uneven terrain, you found yourself without anything better to do than follow her and hear her out, ‘ _Who knows, maybe after all these remarks Eren keeps making she feels ready? I… I hope so, I don’t know how much longer I can take things going like this._ ’ You couldn’t help but feel some form of nervousness bubble up in the pit of your stomach -and whether or not it blossomed from the anticipation of what she wanted to talk about or the fact that you were directly disobeying Shadis’ orders you weren’t completely sure- what you were sure about however was the fact that it only became stronger when the midnight-haired girl came to a stop, landing on a close branch and patiently waiting for you to do the same.

You released the triggers to your 3DMG as you came to a halt, catching your balance with a touch of your arm to the tree’s trunk.

“(Y/N), I think Eren’s starting to catch onto us,” she brought up, bringing her one hand up to grasp and tug at her worn scarf -a nervous habit you had previously noted she had, “If he found out, I don’t… I don’t know what I’d do.”

It was the same reason she provided every time Eren made a dumb joke about either you liking the girl -or vice versa- and each and every time the same reasoning fell past her lips and onto your ears you felt yourself grow more and more hopeless that one day she would be comfortable enough to tell others about your relationship, ‘ _Maybe the real problem here isn’t about her being nervous to tell Eren that she likes girls, but rather that she embarrassed that she’s dating_ me _in particular? I mean, I don’t recall him ever being homophobic,’_ ’ you remarked to yourself, all the times that Jaeger had made a casual comment about same-sex couples forcing themselves to the forefront of your mind, ‘ _Matter of fact, he seems rather supportive of them. I know that Ymir and Krista don’t bother him at all._ ’

Resisting the urge to let out a discouraged huff, you reassured her, “I understand Mika,” you told her softly, your verbal response differing quite a bit from your inner thoughts, “I know how much you don’t want to tell him yet.” Giving her the best, most convincing grin you could manage, you felt a wave of relief -mixed with some discontent- as she seemed to find no problem with it, “Thank you, (Y/N).” Her eyes were focused on the thick wooden branch below your feet, tracing the ridges of the bark with her optics as she let out a small sigh of ease.

“Here, why don’t you go ahead first? Y’know, so then Eren doesn’t suspect anything.” You took yourself off-guard with how persuasive your words came together as, finding yourself easily falling into the lie as you told her that once again you would create some distance between you both so as to not arouse suspicion. Mikasa connected her eyes to your (E/C) ones, a kind, small smile to be found on her face as she gave you an appreciative nod of her head, “I’ll be quick, don’t take too long, ok?”

“I won’t.” You couldn’t bring yourself to watch her as she sped off, in a hurry so then you could get back as quickly as possible and attempt to avoid the wrath of Shadis.

And yet the considerate gesture left you feeling empty.

You put your blades away and leaned your back against the trunk of the tree, the happy chirping of the birds and the occasional scutter of a squirrel doing nothing to distract you or provide you with any form of contentment, ‘ _No, she wouldn’t lie to me about her reasoning as to why she would want to hide us. I can’t blame her either, after all, I’m pretty sure she has slight abandonment issues,_ ’ voiced the optimist in your head, trying to convince you that everything was ok and that you were just overthinking things, ‘ _She lost both of her parents when she was young, and then her adoptive parents, the Jaegers. All she has left from her childhood is Eren, and possibly Armin too._ ’ A sudden thought passed your mind as you froze, a sense of dread spreading about your body, ‘ _Wait a second, would she choose Eren over me if he did end up disapproving of us?_ ’

Fiddling with your thumbs, you allowed yourself to sink down the trunk, soon wrapping your arms around your legs in an attempt to console yourself as you found yourself without a certain answer. If you were going to be honest, you didn’t even feel like you were that good of friends with either Armin or Eren, so it wasn’t like you could count on them being in your favour -in fact, you postulated that the only real reason that they hung out with you was because you were ‘good friends’ with Mikasa. You always seemed to feel like a third wheel -or perhaps the term fourth wheel would work better- whenever you had training activities together or were sitting together in the Mess Hall, but it wasn’t like you had made many friends here either. Matter of fact, you had been too shy to talk to anyone here. The only person who came from your hometown, Jinae, was Marco Bodt -and the both of you even seemed to have an unspoken, mutual respect for each other- but it wasn’t like you actually knew the tall, freckled male personally.

‘ _Sweet Maria, I need to make more friends… Maybe the reason I’m overreacting is solely because I haven’t branched out enough. I mean, it’s not like Mikasa is treating me badly or anything, right? The only reason I’m feeling bad is my own fault, so…_ ’ You shook your head, rubbing your temples as you tried to focus yourself, ‘ _Ok, making new friends probably wouldn’t be a bad start, but there has to be something else I’m doing wrong. Maybe she really_ is _embarrassed to be with me...? Is it because I’m too weak? Because I’m not strong enough?_ ’

You felt your eyes widen as you came to a realisation, letting out a small gasp at its obviousness ‘ _That must be it, she is embarrassed to admit to others that we're dating because I’m physically weak! I mean, I’m sure someone as powerful as her wouldn’t like to be seen with someone like me._ ’

A determined flash swept across your eyes, you feeling more confident now that you believed you had a way to save your relationship with the breathtaking ravenette, ‘ _I’ll just have to find someone to help me out with training myself to get better! If I can do that, then I’m sure she’ll feel more confident and comfortable to tell everyone that I’m hers.._ ’ The hope that pooled in your chest was rather dangerous, yet said hazard went unknown to you as you used your gear to launch yourself off of the wood with spiralling wires, they themselves soon embedding deep within the trunk of another tree as they soundlessly supported your weight.

‘ _All I have to do is get stronger, and then Mikasa won’t want to hide our relationship anymore. That relationship I’ve always dreamed of having with her might not be as far out of reach as I once thought!_ ’

It had been quite the while since you had felt this relieved, but you had to admit that it felt _nice_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 3 January, 2021!
> 
> Heya! Yeah, this is me second story here lmao, and it'll be updated every other Sunday until IJ is eventually finished sometime in March -at that point it'll be every Sunday, although I may switch i over to Wednesdays, I'm not sure yet.
> 
> ((Also, I promise Annie is coming sometime soon ^^''))
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all have a good day!!


	2. 2║Perfect Candidate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 10 January, 2021!!!!
> 
> Heya! Just popping in to say that the next scheduled update is now two weeks from now instead of next Sunday! ^^ I just couldn't help myself, I really wanted to post the next chapter for some reason lmao 💀💀💀💀

**Thursday, April 4th, 850 at 18:08**

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺ **  
**

Even though it had been warm during the day -and quite closely resembled a day that you’d commonly find in the summer months of the year- the evening air had a cooled tinge to it, something you assumed was partially attributed to the blanket of darkness that laid upon the training grounds. That was the reason why your hands were chilled -not in a painful way, they just had a noticeable cold touch to them- causing you to bring them to your sides as you discreetly and desperately tried to warm your poor digits up.

Currently you were sitting at a table in the Mess Hall, the same three that you had been with during 3DMG practice spread about the table around you -Mikasa at your right side, Armin across from you, and Eren to Armin’s left. Each one of you had your dinner trays in front of you, the -rather disgusting, in your opinion- mixture of peas, carrots, and some sort of mystery broth accompanying a much more tolerable bread roll and scoop of mashed potatoes.

“Hey, Eren?” the intelligent golden-haired boy spoke up, slightly looking at the person he addressed as he messed around with his soup, “I know the majority of what you know about beyond the Walls comes from me, but… What do _you_ think is beyond them?”

‘ _Oh sweet Maria, here they go again…_ ’ you mentally complained to yourself, a bored look sprawling itself comfortably on your features, ‘ _Do they know how to talk about anything else? I mean, I’ll admit that the idea of a gigantic body of water is pretty cool, or even endless pits of sand, but as curious as it makes me there’s only so much that you can wonder about something until it becomes dull and bland._ ’ Forcing yourself to keep in a huff of air, you wrapped your fingers around the untouched roll on your tray and brought it to your mouth, probably the tastiest thing you had been allowed to eat since you had entered training, ‘ _Not like I could afford many sweets before this though, and especially not after the fall of Maria, that’s for sure. The prices spiked up like crazy._ ’

You jumped slightly when you felt something brush against your calf, and a quick and careful glance of your eyes downwards told you that the dark-haired girl at your side had brought her leg next to yours, a simple and hidden contact that you found yourself smiling a tiny bit at. Looking up at the tactful woman, you could see her own grey orbs pointed in your direction -although to any onlookers who just took a passing glance at her it would seem as if she was rather focused on her food- with her usual, devoid-of-emotion face. Your heart soared when she sent you the smallest of smiles once your eyes met, once again feeling hope bubble up in you that maybe, _just maybe_ , the girl wasn’t embarrassed to be with you like you had thought and she simply was just nervous to tell her adoptive brother that you and her were dating. Bringing your attention once more to the bread you held before your mouth, you took another bite of it and chewed, ‘ _It still wouldn’t hurt to train myself and play things on the safe side though, after all, it’s still likely to impress her -and doing that is something that I wouldn’t hate to see._ ’

You weren’t going to lie to yourself, all throughout the day since the afternoon you had been mulling over the idea, your mind picking and prodding at the notion until you finally told yourself that you would go through with it and do your best to get stronger, ‘ _It’s probably best to start with hand-to-hand training, because even though we’re not evaluated on it, it’s something that will affect how well I do in other fields. It’ll help my 3DMG skill by making it easier to manipulate, it’ll help endurance because I’ll have better stamina, it’ll help we in everyday life really because I’ll be stronger,_ ’ you reasoned, once again trying to convince yourself that this was the best course of action to save your relationship, ‘ _The only thing it won’t help with is our titan classes, but that can be helped by a little bit of studying._ ’

You swallowed the mushed dough, picking up your glass of water afterwards and taking a dainty sip, ‘ _I suppose the real question left is_ who _should I ask for help from?_ ’ The first person your brain thought of was quickly shot down, ‘ _I can’t exactly ask Mikasa, I mean, not only would it be impossible to impress her properly, but also she would figure out what’s going on right away._ ’

You stretched your body out, arms raised above your head as you tried to sneakily take a glance at everyone who was in the room with one eye peeked open, ‘ _Well, there’s Sasha and Connie, I’m sure they’d be willing to help me…_ ’ you told yourself as you watched them. The both of them were at their own end to a shared table, being quite loud as they fooled around. You noticed the brown-haired girl pointing behind him, soon after Sasha going to dip her spoon into Connie's mashed potatoes and take a bite, and you partially sweatdropped when you saw the way his brows furrowed in anger -although you had to admit, it was nowhere as bad as you had seen Eren before in his rants over titans, ' _Ok, so maybe Connie and Sasha aren't the best people to ask help from. Actually, now that I think about it, they'd probably be the worst given that all they do in our allotted hand-to-hand combat training time is fool around and make malformed, very bad karate poses._ '

You resisted the urge to facepalm when Sasha -as if she had personally read your thoughts- brought her right hand up and bent it at the elbow, slamming her hand into the boy's skull as he let out a pained groan. ' _So clearly they're not going to work…_ ' you trailed off to yourself, eyes now locked in front of you as you watched Eren and Armin speak with each other, every so often dragging Mikasa into the conversation, ' _I can't ask either of them for help either, for the same reasons as Mikasa. If they don't tattle on me, then Mikasa would certainly find out simply because of how much she hung out around them. That, and Arlert isn't that strong. Eren_ is _rather good at hand-to-hand combat in close quarters, but the only problem there is that he's_ Eren _. I'd go insane if he ended up teaching me how to better myself with my girl conjoined at his hip._ '

“What about you, (Y/N)?” Armin suddenly asked, ocean eyes pointed your way as was everyone else’s who was now at the table. Even though the words were generally simple, they still threw you off guard -seeing as you had been totally absorbed in looking for the perfect person to help you train yourself, “I’m sorry Armin, but about what?”

His brows creased in what you deemed was some form of concern -but the male brushed off your odd behaviour and decided to instead answer your question, “What do you think is outside the Walls?”

“Oh, umm…”

‘ _What_ is _out there? I mean, other than what I already know about from Armin. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about it, after all, what’s the point? But, if I had to guess, probably lots of titans, trees, abandoned buildings from before the titans, mountains, more titans… The Walls, maybe there are even some people still out there?_ ’ You felt yourself freeze a little at the small realization, the notion never before crossing your mind until just now, ' _Everyone’s taught that everyone else died, but… What if they built their own Walls? If we did it, even if done by the gods according to the Wall cultists, surely it could have been achievable for them to do the same._ ’ Your eyes fell to your hands, both of them resting on the table partially as you picked at your skin, your now cold food forgotten about on its tray before you.

"(Y/N)?" Eren pulled you from your thoughts, his voice making you instinctively connect your eyes to his teal ones -and the concerned and inquisitive tone laces within his speech caused you to feel guilty about not liking the loud teen, ' _It's not his fault,_ ' you reminded yourself, ' _He can't help Mikasa watching over him all the time. Besides, I'm sure he isn't really all that worried over me, neither he nor Armin see me as a friend anyways, they're just putting up with me._ '

"Ah, sorry," you started with a strained smile, "If I had to guess, I'd say a lot of titans, some old buildings, probably animals…" you trailed off, looking absentmindedly to each of them for their reactions. Armin had himself fixated on you, and Eren was taking in every word you said just as attentively. Mikasa took a few small glances at you to keep up the image of a friend that was paying attention, but nothing more as she quietly picked at her food, ' _Ouch, that… that really hurts._ '

Armin nodded his head, turning to the brunette at his side and allowing you to tune out the conversation once more, ' _Why didn't I tell them about that whole Wall thing I thought of?_ ' you blinked once or twice before shaking your head a tad bit, ' _Eh, I probably subconsciously did so as a way to end the conversation sooner, because there's no way that he wouldn't send a few questions my way. Or maybe I just don't wanna bother him… Anyways, now to get back on track._ '

The entire Mess Hall was undoubtedly separated into its own small posses, something that you didn't really take note of until just now. There was of course the table that you sat at -and the one with Connie and Sasha not too far behind you- but at the table on your right held two soldiers you knew to be strong; Reiner and Bertholdt. Reiner wasn't someone who you had ever spoken to -neither was Bertholdt if you were going to be honest- but he always carried this brotherly air about him. He was continuously helping other soldiers who couldn't carry themselves properly through this harsh training, and you suspected the same to be of the towering man at his side -just that he was too shy to show it to others as Reiner does. ' _Well, I'm almost certain that they would be willing to help me out. The only thing is, are they going to have the time to help me? They don't really know me, and I'd feel awful just waltzing up and asking them for help with something as trivial as my jealousy. Especially if they ask for a reason,_ ' you thought as your face scrunched up in opposition, eyes glancing over to Reiner once more who was laughing and putting an arm around Bertholdt's neck, the latter having an embarrassed blush growing on his face, ' _I've heard that Reiner can't keep a secret that well though... But even at that, if I can't find anyone else here to help me out, I'll still ask them._ '

Your shoulders slumped the smallest bit as you continued to think about who would make the perfect candidate, ' _I suppose that Shadis would be an option, but that'd be so awkward! Not only is he an older man, but it would probably tank my reputation here. Even if I didn't care about that, the guy's still cruel, I mean, it was just yesterday that he made_ Krista _, the ever so caring and loving Krista, run laps. Granted, she didn't have to do it alone because it wasn't long after he had done that that Ymir started yelling at him, but- Wait, that's it!_ ' Rapidly turning your head to your right, your (E/C) hues fell upon the blonde and oaken haired girl. They were being relatively quiet, the cheerful and short teen softly smiling and giggling as she told the other about her day -Ymir dutifully nodding along and stuffing her spoon of mystery soup in her mouth. Every once in a while Ymir's mouth would open and she'd give a one or two worded response, ' _I'm almost certain that I could get the both of them to help me! Ymir might be reluctant, but I'm sure Krista would pity me and convince Ymir that I need help. Then I could learn from Ymir -and possibly even Krista too, because she's quite tough for her size- and become stronger enough to impress Mikasa!_ '

Your lips fell into a beaming smile, feeling very content with these two new -unknowing- contestants, ' _I'm sure that even if I tell them that Mikasa and I are dating that they'll keep it a secret, given that they themselves are dating and in their own lesbian relat-..._ ' The grin that had once been curved and strong became hammered out flat as you realised a problem about asking help from the two teens, ' _If I get help from them and in turn hang out with them more, people might suspect me of being into girls because I’m hanging around them, and then Mikasa might end us early. Even if that shouldn't imply anything, it's just how some people are unfortunately… The Walls damn you, Eren Jaeger!_ ' Silently, you cursed the boy out in your head for being the main reason behind all of your distress, head drooping as you glared at the planks that made up the table you sat at.

‘ _For the love of Sina, there aren’t many more people I can ask here, yeah, there are a plentiful amount of soldiers-in-training here, but not all of them are good at hand-to-hand combat and I don’t even know half of their names. I’m not going to go up to someone and just be like, “Hey, I know you don’t know me at all, and I have no clue who the fuck you are, but I need you to take time out of your precious day to help me and gain nothing from it.” At least with the other people I’ve had a few, albeit short, conversations with them…_ ’ A few faces popped up in your head for the role of a potential contender, but in the end you came to the conclusion that you couldn’t get any help from them; Mina Carolina -because she wasn’t any better than you at hand-to-hand combat- Franz and/or Hanna -because they would be too busy sucking on each other’s faces- Jean Kirstein -because he was too full of himself and would definitely tell Mikasa if he found out why you were doing what you were- Marco Bodt -because he was always around Jean, and while you supposed that he would be willing because of how kind he was, half of you would feel extremely guilty for using his friendliness and the other half was scared of ruining that unspoken looking out for each other you shared, leading you to ultimately rule him out- and lastly, Thomas Wagner -the male was too lazy most of the time, usually only getting his work done and then lounging around for the rest of training.

You let your head drop onto the table in frustration, not even bothering to let out the wince that crept up your throat as your forehead made contact with the wooden furniture and just barely missed your food, ‘ _Why must this be so difficult?!_ ’

“Are you ok?” you heard a monotone voice call out, presumably to you -and you quickly raised your head as you soon remembered that there were other people around you, “Y-Yeah,” you stuttered out a little lowly to the ravenette who had asked you the question, “All good.” Regarding Mikasa’s ashen hues that you deeply adored, you did your best to fight off the growing blush on your face -because while no one else might have been able to see it, far back in her eyes swirled a concern that was reserved just for you - _not_ Eren Jaeger.

“You don’t seem it,” Eren started ad a small frown formed on his face, putting his silverware on his tray with a metallic clink as he studied your for a second, “And your face is a little red, you don’t have a fever, do you?”

Your girlfriend seemingly took this as an excuse to put her hand to your head, also seemingly oblivious to the fact that the only reason your face was red was because of her -or perhaps she did know and was just teasing you, you weren't completely sure. Her lips weighed down as they came in contact with your skin, finding it too hot for it to be normal as Armin spoke up from his place before you, “You were spacing out a lot before too,” he added on, “We don’t mind taking you to the infirmary.” Eren nodded his head in agreement, and Mikasa let out a positive hum as she gave no opposition to his statement before speaking up, now pulling the back of her hand away from your head, “She feels warm, I think she has a fever.” Internally, you cringed, ‘ _Dear Rose, you’re supposed to be on_ my _side Mika!_ ’ You did your best attempt at giving them a reassuring smile, although it was kind of difficult when on the inside you were greatly stressed out at not having found the perfect person to help you with your problem, “I promise you guys, honestly, I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

“Do you want to go to bed early?” the brunette at the table threw the inquiry your way, raising a brow as the suggestion fell from his lips. ‘ _Actually, that’s not a bad idea,_ ’ you mused in your mind, ‘ _I think I might just have to do that._ ’ Looking to the boy, you gave a small nod, “I- Yeah, I think I’m going to turn in early for the night,” you spoke, giving a minuscule smile to everyone at the table as you started to stand up, sliding your tray a little in your grip as you did so, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Before you could leave however, the amber haired boy spoke up from his seat, “Wait,” he stopped you from completely leaving the table as you stood at it, metal tray and mostly empty glass of water in hand, “Let Mikasa take you over to the girl’s dorms, just in case you become dizzy or faint. I’ll take care of your trays for you.” The concerned and friendly smile seemed genuine to you -and caused you to wonder for a brief second if the male really _did_ see you as a friend like he portrayed- before sending a more sheepish one to your partner, “That is, if Mikasa wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t.” she simply spoke, and you felt butterflies congregate in the pit of your stomach as she stood up at your left, body slightly turned to you in the candlelight of the Mess Hall that gave her a slightly oranged colouring. She looked over to you, and once you gave her a nod telling her that you were ok with it, she gave one in return -signifying that she was ready- not too long after, “Goodnight Armin, Eren.” you spoke, giving a small wave to them once you had returned your tray on the table’s surface, Mikasa speaking up after with the same intention, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight you too.” “Feel better, (Y/N).”

Then the two of you started off, you leading as Mikasa walked behind you, ‘ _Now I get to walk back to the dorms with Mika_ and _I’ll have plenty of time to think to myself of a good partner to help me out!_ ’ Partially lost in your thoughts and partially paying attention to every move you made -as to not mess up- considering your girlfriend that you were trying to impress was right behind you, you absentmindedly stepped your way closer and closer to the main exit of the Mess Hall, your footfalls making a dull tap as your boots hit the floor, ‘ _Worst comes to worst I’ll have to ask Reiner and Bertholdt for help -or Marco, he’s still a valid option I suppose- and if they turn me down, then I’ll have to do it myself without help! That’s right, I’ve got th-_ ’

Your thoughts were cut off as you harshly bumped into someone, you immediately bouncing backwards and feeling someone’s arms slip under the sleeves of your trainee jacket, effectively catching you as you hit the back of their rather hard stomach. Looking in front of you you saw a platinum blonde girl, her icy blue orbs staring you down as she stood with her tray -that somehow didn't get dropped during the collision- in her hands. She didn’t bother to speak as she first eyed you, and then your lover -and not long after she did so you could feel a rumble against your back, a quick glance upwards telling you that said girl was now speaking and glaring at the one you had bumped into, “Sorry.”

The light-headed teen didn’t say anything in response, opting to continue what she was doing before and make her way past you both without a single comment as Mikasa then soon after helped you back on your feet properly. The splintery door that led outside wasn’t far, and within a matter of fifteen seconds, Mikasa had opened it for you and allowed for you to exit first, the both of you then climbing down the stairs at its front and heading towards the girl’s dorms. You would see the building lit up in the distance, slowly but surely getting bigger if you paid close enough attention to it. But instead of keeping your focus on it, you directed your gaze upwards in favour of observing the stars, the bright, gigantic balls of gas forming many patterns that you had always loved to try and pick apart -even make a few new constellations that you always forgot the day after. The chill that had been faint in the Mess Hall was much more prominent in the outside night air, and you found yourself tugging the sleeves of your leather jacket a small bit as you hugged yourself with your arms, ‘ _At least it’ll be warmer inside the dorms…_ ’

“I don’t like her.”

You turned your head to Mikasa, scrunching your brows in confusion as you soon after voiced the fact that you were lost, “Who?”

“Annie.”

“Who’s Annie?”

“The girl who knocked you over before.”

“Oh," you trailed off, "Why do you not like her?” As you asked, you couldn't help but be slightly hopeful that she would say it was because of the partly rude way she had treated you -and although you had to admit that that seemed like an overreaction, your wish for the thought to be valid stemmed from the fact that you absolutely loved it when Mikasa was jealous, ‘ _She tends to be more open about our relationship then, and even if she won’t kiss or hug me in public or anything, it’s still nice to see her more possessive._ ’

“Because she always acts like she’s better than others, she needs to be knocked off her high horse a little.” While her words weren’t what you wanted, you found your attention captured at this regardless, “She does?” you asked, hoping to get more information on the woman, ‘ _Maybe I can ask_ her _for help. I mean yeah, she looked a little aggressive, but she also looked like she was able to take someone down easily._ ’

“She doesn’t even bother with hand-to-hand combat anymore,” she spoke, an irritation deep within her darkened spheres that you noticed when they met yours, “Some say it’s because she believes she won’t gain anything from it.”

“It’s ok Mika,” you reassured her, sending a bright smile her way, “I know that you could totally take her down if need be.” The Japanese girl blushed at your words, eyes flying to the ground as she became much meeker at your compliment, “Ah, thank you.”

‘ _This is perfect! I’ll ask her for help, and even though I don’t know her too well, I can try to befriend her or something before asking her. And then she’ll probably help me get stronger, and then I won’t have to worry about Jaeger ending Mikasa and I’s relationship early because he can’t keep his mouth shut._ ’ You tore your eyes away from the girl at your side, the both of you now silently nearing the building you were heading to in a comfortable silence, ‘ _That, and it wouldn’t hurt to have another friend,_ ’ you admitted, ‘ _She looked kinda lonely too, so maybe this will benefit us both to be friends._ ’


	3. 3║Afternoon Jog

**Saturday, April 6th, 850 at 14:49**

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Never once had you genuinely thought you might die of overexertion during training, but this -this was definitely showing you what you were and were not capable of doing. It wasn't like anyone was slowing you down -in fact, if anything your fellow comrades around you only motivated you further to push yourself. And while you weren't physically bogged down -aside from the twenty-kilogram backpack you had to carry- you sure were mentally.

Currently, the entirety of the 104th Training Corps was in the middle of a dense woods, everyone in training running through the many fallen branches with backpacks while Shadis got to supervise everyone on top of a horse -and while you couldn't help but complain about it in your head, you wouldn't dare actually say anything verbally. The sun was up and shining brightly, slipping past the cracks of the tree's branches that loomed over your head, and if you listened really closely, you supposed that maybe under all the pounding of boots into the squelching mud you would have been able to hear wildlife of some sort.

Ever since you came to the conclusion that you would ask Annie to help you in your quest to impress your girlfriend, you had been trying to find the perfect opportunity to speak to her without Mikasa being able to hear, ' _And I think that this is the best shot I'm going to get at doing it. After all, Mikasa won't be able to get too close to hear what I'm saying because Armin and Eren are right next to her,_ ' you reasoned, sneaking a glance up ahead a bit to your right and seeing that the three of them were in fact running together -Mikasa and Eren slowing themselves a bit for the blonde given that this was just a practice run that wouldn't be graded. It wasn't like you were trying to hide the fact that you 'wanted to be friends' with Annie from Mikasa because you thought you were doing something wrong or akin to cheating -you would never dream of that- it was just that you knew the black-haired girl would question what would motivate you to do such a thing -and it would just be so much easier to just not get to that point altogether if you kept your distance during this exercise. Granted, that was riding on the idea that Mikasa wouldn't bring it up later on, in which case you'd have to make something up.

Your (E/C) hues turned back ahead of you, your sight locking onto the blonde keeping a steady and rather effortless pace ahead of the four of you -Annie Leonhardt, ' _All I have to do is push myself to run a bit faster, and then I can save our relationship. C'mon (Y/N), you've got everything planned out. Now all you need to do is carry through with it, for Mika!_ ' With a burst of heightened confidence and determination, you partially squinted your eyes in focus as you pushed your legs to jog faster -the dense backpack seeming to push down on your shoulders even more so once you gained a speedier momentum. It took you a good bit to catch up to the trio from Shiganshina, and even then you were panting a little heavier than you were before.

Earlier, Armin had offered for you to join them -but you had declined, not wanting to risk upsetting Mikasa by being too close with her in front of them once again. So that was why, even with your already laboured breathing, you still pushed yourself to go even faster -not only would it have been partially awkward lingering near them after you had declined, but it also might have made Mikasa uncomfortable, ' _And that's the last thing I wanna do._ ' It took a good part of your willpower not to look back and see if Mikasa had even noticed you passing them once you did -and although you tried to convince yourself otherwise, you couldn't fool yourself into believing anything else other than that you hadn't peeked because you didn't want to see that she was completely oblivious to you. It was childish, something that an eight-year-old would do -you knew that.

And yet you couldn't stop.

Once you finally got close enough to the platinum blonde, you went over the plan you -pretty much just now- had made up in your head, ' _Ok, so first I'll introduce myself and try to become her friend first in a sense. After all, it'll be much easier to ask for her help if we're acquaintances first -on top of the fact that I do need more friends here._ ' Jogging the smallest bit faster, you came up to her left side and garnered her attention, "Hello!" you cheerily greeted her, "I don't think we've properly met before, I'm (Y/N) (L/N)." Mentally cheering to yourself for a somewhat decent introduction, you sent one of the best grins you could muster to her -which was rather difficult given that you were _running_ \- as you waited for her response.

The girl did nothing more than welcome you with silence, continuing to go ahead forwards without doing more than sparing you a side glance. Her powdery blue eyes connected to yours for a mere second, soon after turning back ahead as she seemed to ignore you, ' _Oh... Maybe she doesn't wanna talk to anyone, that's understandable I suppose. This is a rather rigorous training after all, or... maybe it's just me...?_ ' You held back a frown, not wanting to show your disappointment to her reaction to the outside world, ' _As awkward as this is, I can't just give up on talking to her just yet. That would mean giving up on Mika, and there's no way in hell I'm doing that without at least knowing for sure that she won't help me. I'll just have to try again later, maybe tomorrow or something..._ '

It was just when you were about to let yourself lag behind, so then she could go ahead without you, that a voice spoke up, "Annie Leonhardt." The girl continued doing what she was as if she hadn't just spoken up, and it took you a second to come to the conclusion that it was in fact really her who had said the name -given that one, you had already found out from Mikasa that her first name was Annie and two, no one else would be introducing her to you, especially not right now. You let your previous smile grace your face in its entirety once more, now that she has responded you felt much more confident in continuing, "It's nice to meet you, Annie. How's it going?"

This time she didn't bother to look at you as she kept her reply short, her face resting in a blank state as she stared ahead where she was going, "Good."

"Ah, well that's good." you noted aloud, before deciding that it was in the best interest of the duration of the conversation for you to continue speaking, "I'm doing pretty well myself, well, aside from this whole running-in-the-woods thing, but y'know." Part of you expected her to string along the conversation based off of what she had said -either agreeing or disagreeing to the fact that you implied that this training was difficult, which it _was_ \- but the other part knew that after a few moments with her not speaking once more, that that wasn't going to be the case. So feeling left without another choice, you spoke up again, "Y'know, this isn't really what I expected when I joined," you huffed out as you did your best to keep up with the girl's pace so you could continue to talk to her, "I mean, I knew that it was going to be tough, but this is just cruel in a sense. Titans aren't going to make us hike on foot after all and we can't exactly out-run them, the only training that really matters is 3DMG practice." The blonde didn't stop her jog as the words fell out past your lips, the only way that you could tell she was even listening to you being the small side glance she shot your way that was soon after followed by two words, "You're wrong."

"I'm wrong?" you asked almost incredulously, not exactly sure where you had said something wrong, ' _After all, it's true. Nothing else is used in actual titan fighting if one were to join the Survey Corps, and if someone joins the Garrison or Military Police, they rarely go up against titans anyways, if at all._ '

"Yes." The woman affirmed, her voice sounding as if she had been sitting down -with its lack of fatigue- rather than being in the process of running while carrying a heavy load. Seeing as you have seemed to have captured her attention with this certain topic, you pushed it, "How so? What else is important?"

"We need to do the others to pass. And besides, they teach us skills we may one day need."

' _Well, I guess she's not wrong..._ ' You blinked your eyes once or twice, trying to think of something to talk about until it hit you, "But then why don't you practice during hand-to-hand combat? I mean, I know we're not going to be graded on it, but if that's your philosophy..."

Her blue orbs narrowed the smallest bit as they stared ahead, her façade growing especially icy as she answered your questions curtly, "Because I know what I am capable of, and I don't play a _pretend-soldier_." Annie turned her gaze ahead and focused her eyes upon a running cadet -one you believed to be Reiner Braun seeing as there was an even taller trainee jogging right at his side- and it didn't take you long to figure out that part of her answer held a jaded hostility towards the similarly blonde male.

' _Uh-oh, she uh... She doesn't exactly sound or look too happy there. And while it might be my fault for possibly pushing her too far, I think the topic is just a rather sour one for her given her reaction. I think for now I'll just drop this topic... even if it did present the perfect opportunity for me to ask her for her help._ ' Looking around briefly in the silence -aside from everyone running and the small chatter between other cadets amongst themselves- you mentally released a sigh and tried your best to find a topic to speak about, your hues halting on a denser part of the forest. It clicked in your head what you should talk about -something that was universal to nearly everyone- so once you worded it satisfyingly enough in your head, you responded in a light tone despite the prior harshness that her words had been coated in -deciding that it would only hurt you in the long run to do otherwise, ' _I need to play my cards right here after all, otherwise this is going to all go downhill._ '

"When I was growing up in my hometown, Jinae, there was this giant forest that all the kids played in. The trees swayed way over your head, and were taller than any building I had ever seen -although now that I'm thinking about it, it might've just seemed like that because I was younger," you broke off in an awkward chuckle, shaking your head once you realised that you were rambling -and had completely ignored the impromptu planning you had done on what you should have said- trying to focus yourself back on track, "Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that the kids and I used to play hide n' seek all the time in a place just like this. What games did you play as a child?"

' _Almost everyone looks upon childhood happily, it can't possibly hurt to take her back down memory lane!_ ' Annie's features remained stoic as she answered, not even batting an eye as she gave you a reply that -if you were to be honest- shocked and saddened you, "I didn't have time to play."

"O-Oh..." you faltered, only regaining yourself after a second once you thought of a way to potentially rebound the conversation that had seemingly started to go downhill, "Well, where did you grow up? It must've been a busy place, eh?"

She kept up her impassive look about her as she spoke, taking a second for herself before doing so, "It doesn't matter where."

"Huh?"

"It doesn't matter. We all ended up here, didn't we? Why should we dwell on where we came from if it's all pointless in the end?"

It was the longest you had ever heard the girl speak, and yet the words it contained only perplexed you to the core, ' _Why is she being so defensive? And there's no way that she never played any games as a kid, right? I mean, I can see that maybe she wasn't able to play them often, but to say that she was unable to do so completely altogether? And then to be blocking a question like asking where she grew up? Maybe she's just embarrassed to admit where she grew up, she could've come from the Underground. She certainly has the toughened character of a person from there, but if that's so, where did she get the money at such a young age? I've heard tales of people killing others down there just to get a few more cents closer to a freedom that they were never able to reach._ '

Once you snapped back to reality, you mentally cursed yourself when you noticed that you were now lagging behind her quite a bit -and you pushed yourself to reach her side once more before letting out a pant, looking around as silently as you could as you waited for your breath to come back to you -and to your complete surprise, even though she wasn't being very talkative, you didn't find it awkward.

Turning your head downwards, you observed the muddy trail that you were currently running on -the dirt road containing many scattered footprints that belonged to boots from previous soldiers who had just been where you were, and you were sure that if you looked behind you, you would see a similar set of footfalls casted into the mud behind and below you. The air was wet with moisture from recent rain that had fallen maybe three or four hours ago, and that familiar, faint scent of freshly fallen rain could be smelt in the air -that was, once you got past the mechanical and manufactured smell of your gear and uniform, ' _It's never going to lose that scent to it, is it? I've had this one for almost a year now..._ ' Taking one last gulp of air in to stabilise your breathing better, you decided that you would try and speak to her for one last and final time, ' _And if she still acts cold after this, maybe I really_ should _try and look for someone else's help. I mean, I would keep persisting Annie to help me solely for Mika, but I have to remember I only have so much time until graduation. I can't spend all this time on her if she's unwilling,_ ' you recalled, remembering that it was only mere months until you would become a fully-fledged member of humanity's military. You felt your brows crease in an unvoiced worry, ' _Calm down, you'll be fine. You might just have to find someone else, this isn't the end of the world -and worst comes to worst, you still have yourself to help you._ '

"So uh... What're you here for Annie? What branch do you hope to join?" Readjusting the heavy straps on your shoulders, you listened for her answer, "I'm joining the Military Police." The confidence that poured out of her answer caused you to sweat-drop the smallest bit, it was something that didn't seem uncharacteristic of the girl given what you've seen of her before, but for her to be so confident as to say she was going to make the top ten without a question was, in the least, a little startling, ' _Well, on the bright side, at least she_ is _most definitely capable of helping me. It's just going to be difficult to get her to do so it seems._ '

"Ah, that's cool." you spoke, sending an admiring turn of your lips her way that you were sure she didn't even see, "To be honest, I'm not sure which branch I'm going to join yet. I suppose I'll find out once I get there, y'know?"

At your response, the girl let out an acknowledging hum -and while it wasn't an effort to continue the conversation on her part, in your eyes it was a sign of progress from before, ' _Maybe I can ask her for help? Gah, I can't tell!_ '

"Hey um, Annie? Did you wanna sit with me and my friends at dinner tonight?"

When the words flowed out of your mouth, she turned her head to you quizzically and squinted her eyes in what you deemed as confusion, "Why?"

"Ah, I don't know. I just thought that maybe you'd like someone to sit with instead of being with yourself all alone or something." Then, feeling a burst of ambition run through you, you added on to your sentiment with a bright, sparkling smile, "We can even be friends!"

The platinum blonde just stared at you for a second, her baby blue eyes studying your face for a moment as if she were trying to decipher if you were lying to her or not. The few loose strands of her hair that always hung around the sides of her face in a frame bobbed as she jogged on, you managing to keep up as she finally gave you an answer.

"No."

' _H-Huh_?' simultaneously your face blanched at her blatant rejection as well as reddened in embarrassment -or at least it felt like it despite the impossibility of the event actually taking place, "A-Ah," you stuttered out, immediately turning your face away from hers and being careful to not look her way, ' _I don't know if she was saying no to sitting with me at dinner, or being my friend, but either way this clearly doesn't seem like a good sign. Honestly, it was probably to both._ ' Letting yourself fall back the smallest bit, you apologized to the teen with a voice that was weaker than before, "I'm sorry then Annie. I'll letcha be."

She kept her pace going forwards, not faltering or halting as you couldn't help but feel tears bubble in your eyes in frustration, ' _This isn't going to be easy, is it? I was foolish to think that I could just make friends with her, there's a reason Mika doesn't like her to begin with. It was stupid of me to think that I was any different._ '

You hadn't even realised that you had fallen back to where Mikasa, Armin and Eren were until you felt a nudge at your side, and to your utter surprise, it was the ravenette you had fallen in love with, "Are you ok?" The concern was evident in her voice -and even if it wasn't, the emotion was easily detectable on her features, her brows creasing in worry for you, ' _Ah, she must be doing this under the cover of friends or something, because I don't see any other way she would be ok talking to me so soon after the comment Eren made only two days ago_.'

"Yeah, I'm fine." you lied, completely forgetting about how you originally planned on avoiding running with them altogether, for Mikasa's sake, and faking a smile as you did the best to wish your budding tears away, ' _If she finds out why I was over there, this whole thing I'm trying to do to impress her will be out of the question. Besides, Annie did nothing wrong, I'm just being overly emotional right now._ '

The Asian girl gave you a sceptical look -one that told you she didn't believe you- before her eyes momentarily expanded in realisation and her voice became a little harder, a slight glare able to be found within her gaze as she turned her ashen hues ahead to the blonde you had just spoken to, "Did she do something to you? Is she bothering you?" Instantly your eyes widened, and if you didn't have to worry about the sack that was resting on your back, you would have fervently waved your hands in front of you as if it would help dispel the notion from her mind altogether, "No, no, nothing like that! I was just being too pushy while talking to her, that's all...."

When her spheres fell onto yours again, they softened -that whirlwind of a dark obsidian turning into a lighter grey as she regarded you, "If you say so..." she trailed off, "If she gives you trouble, let me know and I'll take care of her." You could feel your stomach twist and turn at her care for you -and even if it was a little over the top, it made you feel cared for, protected and as if she truly did want to keep your relationship going. It made you feel warm inside, a nice break from the constant nagging of a supple paranoia that typically played about in your stomach for fear of ruining what you had with the Japanese girl.

Then there was a slight momentary pause in dialogue before the teen spoke up again, looking ahead -but no longer at Annie- as she effortlessly jogged, ' _How is everyone not struggling on this? Am I the only one having a hard time here?!_ '

"Why were you talking to her to begin with?"

"I just wanted to see if we could be friends." you said without a thought, feeling a bitter taste build up in the back of your mouth at the lie once you realised what you did, ' _I mean, I guess it's not a complete lie. I_ did _go over there with the goal of becoming her friend, it's just that that wasn't my only, or really main, objective._ ' Mikasa let out a small hum, taking your words as the truth, "She isn't the most agreeable to be around, (Y/N). Annie has a tough exterior."

Nodding your head, you couldn't help but agree to the part where she said that she was on the colder side, "Yeah, I know that for sure now." You let out a sigh, partially shaking your head before elaborating further, at this point uncertain if you were explaining for Mikasa's sake or your own, "I don't know, I just saw her by herself and couldn't help but feel bad. I thought that maybe we could be friends to try and help her with that, y'know? I thought that maybe she's just introverted and didn't know how to make friends or something."

You looked over past your girlfriend and to Eren and Armin as you avoided her hues, the two of them once more lost in conversation and not paying much attention to the two of you -and it startled you when Eren turned his head towards you -perhaps feeling your gaze- and smiled, Armin soon joining in and sending you a wave as they addressed you joining their group before turning back to their conversation. Meekly, you waved back at them -not in time for either of them to see it, but the thought was still there as you pondered over why they were being so nice to you if they only put up with you for Mikasa's sake. It was only when you heard a small giggle before you that you redirected your attention back to the ravenette, "You care and worry too much for your own good."

' _I'm worrying too much...? Maybe that's it, but -gah, I really don't know!_ ' Gently, you gave her a tiny grin that was followed by a huff, easily masking how conflicted you felt on the inside, "Maybe I do."

You noticed everyone slowing down as you all came to a corner, the fast jog turning into a trot as you then headed to the right -only this time, instead of there being more forest and shrubbery ahead of you, there was a clearing that seemed to be some sort of station, " _Listen here, fodder! You have a two-minute break to recuperate starting right now, but don't get used to it! This won't happen next time!_ "

As soon as Shadis called out, multiple groans and grunts of relief swept through the soldiers -you being no exception, ' _Thank the Walls, I need a break._ ' It was almost as if everyone sped up as soon as he yelled out the words -or maybe it just seemed as if time sped up as you got closer and closer to a rest. The aching in your legs increased as you quickened up a little bit for the second time that day in order to have as much down-time as possible, the other three you had been with close behind -unbeknownst to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated a little bit before 24 January, 2021!
> 
> I hope you guys have/had a great weekend!!!! ^^
> 
> ((Also don't come at me because of that chapter title, ik it's weird lmao 💀😭


	4. 4║Back and Forth

**Wednesday, April 10th, 850 at 08:30**

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It was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining brightly and sending its joyful, golden rays down upon all of those who were there to see it -and you were grateful that today wasn't one of those days where you were stuck inside for a good portion of the day in classes, because now you were able to see the pretty sight nature had bestowed upon the world. The atmosphere rung with the snickers and sneers of jesting cadets, many of the people you had been training with for the past two years smiling brightly as they danced in the air with their 3DM gear -and while you could not see Shadis from your own position off the ground, you could only assume that his spirits were also lifted since he seemed to be quieter than usual during this exercise -3DMG practice. It was quite unusual to have this type of practice so soon from the last time the 104th Training Corps had done it, but to you it seemed as if the wonderful day and conditions that were being displayed before you were too tempting even for the always-shouting Shadis to not take advantage of it.

Blissfully, you let out a content sigh, regripping your hands in your handles as the wind whipped past your face and rushed your hair out of your line of sight, allowing for you to see more clearly -and it was at this moment that you recalled earlier trainings of this same exercise, the way you had struggled with keeping your hair out of your face causing a curvature to form upon your lips at the past memory.

"I won last time, so I've got this now!" came Eren's voice -but it seemed that not even he could deflate your mood as you continued to grin, this time sharing a look with Mikasa -who was at your side- while Armin and Eren disputed behind you both about how last time was either a once-in-a-lifetime chance or Jaeger's pure skill. The four of you had grouped up together for this exercise like you typically did, and this time as you joined them, you found yourself with high spirits as you soared in the sky, feeling free and leaving your worries behind as you enjoyed the present to the fullest. A small movement caught your attention at your side, creeping up into view from behind you; it didn't take you long to figure out it was your ravenette girlfriend. Especially in this lighting, Mikasa's hair that flowed silkily past her vision in black waves seemed to give an entrancing effect on her image to you, the rush -that was pushing her hair back- coming from her speed using her gear. Her skin was practically flawless as always, and even when the sun shone down with the ability to point out and highlight any and every blemish, there still were none that appeared. Landing your (E/C) pools on her lips momentarily, you took in the way that they seemed to shine at your angle -and tracing your sight upwards more, you noted to yourself that her eyes seemed to do the same, the girl's greyed hues seeming to sparkle as they poured into your own, ' _Wait, she's looking at me?_ '

Now that you were more focused, you could clearly see that a faint rouge was dashed across her cheeks -the picturesque sight undeniably wholesome and precious to you as you couldn't help but smile the smallest bit.

Just when you were going to tell her something along the lines of the however -you could never help yourself, every once in a while in satiating the urge to compliment the near-perfect woman at random- she spoke up in a quiet whisper, eyes peering at Eren and Armin for a brief second before meeting to yours once again in an uncharacteristic anxiousness, "⁽ʸ/ᴺ⁾, ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ. ᵀʰᵉʸ'ʳᵉ ᵍᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ⁿᵒᵗⁱᶜᵉ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˢᵗᵒᵖ."

' _Ah, that's right. I forgot for a second there._ '

While Eren spurting out that he was going to kill the most titan cut-outs today wasn't able to bring your mood down, Mikasa indirectly telling you to stop merely looking at her was able to, ' _I just... I just wanna be able to look at her and tell her that I think she's cute. All I want is to be able to be open about our relationship, and show others how much I care for her..._ ' You sped up a bit from the girl to gain some distance from her in a sudden rush of emotions you found to be overwhelming, your gazes connecting for just a second as you then moved further -distancing yourself more from not only her, but the rest of the group as well, ' _She doesn't want anyone to know that we're dating and wants for me to not be so obvious about it. But right now, I don't think I can do that -besides, I don't really want to see anyone right now. I think I just want a second away from everyone._ '

You weren't able to get too far though, seeing as before you could get more than three metres away, Eren called out for you, "Hey (Y/N)! Where're you going?"

Plastering one of the biggest smiles on your face, you turned back and made sure to avoid looking at Mikasa -given as she was the reason that you were upset right now- and managed to manoeuvre your gear backwards -something that had taken you a while to master, but all the same something you were quite good at now with practice, "Well, you said that you were going to win this time, right? If that's so, I guess I better get started!" You gave him the brightest smile you could muster at the moment, suppressing the glare you wanted to shoot his way -' _It's not his fault, (Y/N)._ '- and flashing the same one towards the blonde at his side before letting out a laugh -one that you hoped assured them that everything was ok and that you were simply telling the truth, ' _The last thing I want is to have them following me, not that I'm sure they would anyways, but you never know. Besides, I don't want Mika to worry about me._ '

"Oh, it's on!" came Eren's reply at your sudden enthusiasm, sending you one of his overconfident grins as his turquoise hues bore into your own, "C'mon Armin, Mikasa!" the boy cried out as he sped off -Armin calling out, "W-Wait, Eren!" from behind him as he too rushed off. You were the next to leave, making sure not to look at the Japanese girl as you took off to just get away for the moment; you angled your blades to take an off-shooting path -that if you were to be honest, was most likely just a coincidental, small clearing of trees- your eyes watering up as you travelled further and further from where you had been, heading in no direction in particular, ' _I'm starting to get really tired of always tearing up, this... this is ridiculous. It's like one second I'll be completely fine, and the next I'm on the verge of balling my eyes out. I need to get myself together, I'm pretty sure Mika doesn't want a crybaby; she wants someone who is strong, and able to hold their own. And always tearing up like this is almost the exact opposite of that!_ '

Your face scrunched up as you whizzed by more and more trees, dodging a few branches covered in a plethora of lush, vibrant leaves -the lively green swaying a small bit as you turned multiple corners, getting yourself lost in the training area in hopes of having a few seconds to yourself, ' _Y'know, it might not actually be that bad if I lose myself for a few seconds. I'll eventually be able to find my way back to base after all, or at least out of the forest if I keep heading in the same direction. Yeah, Shadis won't be happy if I take too long and I'll probably be disciplined, but at least I'll be able to have the small bit of time away like I need._ '

You kept going for a few minutes, feeling yourself automatically calm down as you preoccupied yourself with using your 3DMG -and eventually you found a small clearing of trees that you deemed fit enough for you to just sit down and take a moment for yourself, maybe even recollect your thoughts while you were at it too. Lightening your hold on the triggers to your handles, you slowed your pace and slowed your momentum by swinging in the trees a little; once you were comfortable enough with the slowed speed you lowered yourself and planted your feet to the ground, almost stumbling but managing to stabilise yourself with an outward thrust of your arm that, had you not been alone, would have caused you to be embarrassed to have been seen doing.

Sheathing your blades back in their homes at the sides of your hips, you walked over to the closest tree and let your back rest upon it, soon after bending your knees in a fashion so that your body slowly fell to the ground -leather jacket scraping against the trunk and tugging upwards slightly until your bottom touched the grass-covered ground of the forest and your knees were up to your chest. Your arms hugged your legs, and you buried your head into yourself as you became upset once more -the distraction of operating the gear and getting away no longer present as you thought over your situation for seemingly the millionth time in the past week or so -at least, ' _I keep going back and forth. One second I'm saying that I don't need anyone's help to impress Mika, the next I'm practically in tears because I feel like the situation is helpless. So what is it (Y/N)? Can you or can you not do this? It shouldn't matter if Annie practically said she didn't want to talk to you and would probably never help you, neither should it if anyone else you decide to ask won't! This is_ your _struggle, and_ your _relationship here -not some petty problem of yours for them to deal with!_ '

If you were sure that no one would hear you, you supposed that maybe you would have screamed in frustration right then and there -after all, ever since you've started to date your girlfriend you've been hiding your relationship. It makes you feel as if you're hiding a part of yourself, as if the real you was lost the second Mikasa asked you out and told you that she would have preferred if the relationship was kept hidden. It made you feel sick if you were to be honest, but you always managed to persevere when you reminded yourself that it was all for Mikasa, the girl you swore you loved at times, ' _Mika, please hurry. I know you can't help it but I feel like I'm falling apart, I don't know how to make you like me more than Eren... I- No, that's not right. I shouldn't force myself between her relationship with her brother, I just..._ '

You could feel the dam finally break, the few droplets that had been pooling in your (E/C) orbs breaking out as they rolled down your joues -only to sink themselves into the white fabric of your uniform's jeans, some landing on the leather straps that made up your harness to your gear. Squinting your eyes shut and gritting your teeth partially, you hated yourself for crying over what should have been nothing, ' _I just need to be good enough for her, I need to be better, stronger._ '

"What's wrong?"

The voice was dull -monotoned and borderline bored would perhaps describe it best- and caused you to snap your head upwards at whoever had spoken it. Upon seeing who it was, you hastily stood up and wiped at your eyes, "H-How'd you find me?"

"I was doing the practice." said Annie, standing with her blades in her hands and slightly leaning her weight on her one hip; she blew her cheeks out to push some of her golden hair -that had gotten in front of her face- out of the way, icy spheres freezing you in place with their lack of enthusiasm -although you supposed that she had no reason to be otherwise. It was only after a few seconds of the both of you staring at each other that you realised that she was probably waiting for an answer to the question she had asked first, ' _I'm kinda surprised she even bothered to stop by and ask me if I was ok. I mean, I wouldn't have held it against her if she didn't, after all I'm almost certain that I bothered her quite a bit a few days ago._ '

"Yeah, I'm fine Annie," you started, letting out a small, false chuckle as you spoke, "I think I got something in my eye though, the pollen sure is tough this spring, huh?"

The blonde didn't speak up as she looked at you, eyes partially narrowed as she took in the state you were in and -by the small changes to her expression that were made- you could guess that she didn't believe you. ' _Shoot, does she know what I was going to ask her about when I spoke to her last? No... she couldn't, there's no way for her to know. But if that's so, why isn't she responding? If she knew I was lying she'd just call me out on it, no? Gah, I don't know!_ ' You felt yourself becoming smaller and smaller underneath her gaze -and you soon found yourself not willing to lie to the teen any longer, ' _I might as well tell her. After all, all I have to do is make sure that she doesn't know it's Mika I'm talking about._ '

"Ok, so maybe there's something else going on. It's just that I'm in a relationship, but my partner doesn't want anyone to know that we're dating because they're scared that others won't like them for their sexuality. It gets especially rough when they treat me like a completely different person in public, and it just hurts. _A lot_." When you finished, you mentally congratulated yourself on not using 'she' or 'her' in your sentence, ' _Although, in the end it's probably pretty obvious, but still. It doesn't hurt to be extra cautious I suppose._ '

"Then break up with them."

After taking a second to process what she had said, you couldn't help but belt out a "H-Huh?!" with your eyes wide and body stumbling back a little as if the news had a physical effect on you, "I can't do that!"

"Why not? Your relationship sounds unhealthy." she replied, completely unaffected by your outburst and continuing to share her brutally honest opinion.

"B-Because! They're not toxic and they've done nothing wrong. Besides, I still care deeply for them."

"You said the way they treat you hurts, right?"

"Well, yeah..."

"And you've tried talking about it?"

"Ah, well, you see..."

At this, the amber-headed girl raised a brow, looking at you quizzically as she did nothing but wait for your explanation, "I don't want to pressure he-" you cut yourself off in the middle of your sentence, cursing your slip up momentarily, ' _Dear Rose, is there anything I can even do to save myself here?_ ' you thought for a second, but nothing came to mind, ' _Well, I suppose there's no use in hiding that I have a girlfriend as opposed to any other sort of partner._ '

"...yeah, I don't wanna pressure _her_ into feeling like she needs to tell people about us. She's got enough on her plate." you admitted, placing an emphasis on 'her' to make it clear that it was in fact a female that you were referring to.

The blonde gave you one last look before turning around, in your eyes already done with the conversation as your optics partially widened at her sudden abruptness -with her readying her blades as she prepared to take off, "Well, there's only one thing I can tell you." she spoke, taking a small pause as she let her words hang in the air for a moment, "Life is short, so don't waste it. Some of us are already counting down to our last days." For a second it looked as if she were waiting for a response from you -as if her words held a deeper meaning that she was trying to see if you'd catch on to or not- her head turned slightly to the side and staring at nothing as she most likely observed you in her peripheral vision, ' _I already know that, my days were cut in half ever since I decided to join the military -if not, more than that._ ' you reminded yourself at first, and it didn't take long for you to change your train of thought and latch your focus onto what she had said -applying it to the situation, ' _But if life is so short, I should just directly ask her for help instead of chickening out like last time, right? Even if she says no, at least I won't die one day wondering if there was something I could've done to better Mika and I's relationship._ ' you told to yourself, before a smaller realisation came to mind, ' _Huh, it's kinda funny that I'm using_ her _advice to ask_ her _something._ '

It was as soon as you were about to ask the girl for assistance that she got into a stance to best take off into the trees -and consequently it was at that exact moment that you lunged forwards and gripped your hand onto her jacket's sleeve, below the emblem for the Training Corps that was stitched tightly into the leather that made up her jacket, "Wait, Annie!"

Her features almost went blanker than they typically seemed to you -in what you deemed was something akin to a surprise- before she regained her usual façade, looking at you and waiting for an answer, "Can you help me get stronger? In hand-to-hand combat, please?"

Regarding you, she studied you for your reasoning, "Why?"

"I think that if I were to get physically stronger," you started, "That maybe she'll be more comfortable in being open about our relationship. That maybe she wouldn't be bothered by me that much."

Not missing a beat, she looked at you sceptically, "I thought you said that she didn't want people to know of her sexuality, not that she was bothered by you."

You faltered for a second, "Well, she hasn't said it directly, but... I think that the reason she says that she doesn't want people to know of her sexuality is because she's embarrassed by me, like she's using it as a way to keep us hidden and not hurt me at the same time."

Annie didn't make a move as she seemingly took in your words, her face not telling anything as to what her thoughts were as she bore her sky blue pools into your own -the action making you slightly uncomfortable as you waited for her response. Deciding to fill in the void, you continued your train of thought aloud, "And y'know, I thought that maybe if I were stronger and less of a bother, then it would also save our relationship. Because if I'm the problem, if I get better, she won't want to end it with me." Even once you further elaborated however, the blue-eyed girl remained silent -which only caused for you to feel even more self-conscious about your response and resulting in your to take it back altogether -even after the thought that 'life is too short' and that you shouldn't 'chicken out.' Averting your eyes from hers and letting go of her sleeve, you looked to the ground and took a step backwards, "Ah, sorry Annie. I got a little ahead of myself, huh?" Like you had when you had just started this conversation, you let out a small chuckle -this time scratching the back of your neck nervously as you felt your cheeks redden in embarrassment, ' _Yeah, great going (L/N). If she was going to help you the other day, or even today for that matter, she definitely isn't going to now. After all, who would want to help someone that-_ '

"Tomorrow after dinner. It won't be easy."

"What?" you blinked, not exactly sure if you had heard the girl correctly.

"I'm busy today, so we'll start tomorrow after dinner. I won't take it easy on you." she repeated, this time elaborating on what she had said.

"O-Oh, thank you Annie!" you managed to stutter out in your surprise, mood and thoughts brightening significantly at the simple agreement, ' _She said yes! She actually said yes!!_ ' Nodding her head to you nonchalantly, she got ready with her gear once more -this time taking off mere seconds after getting into her stance and leaving you all alone on the forest floor before you had truly realised that she had left, too preoccupied with your thoughts, ' _I can do it! I can save us! Mika, I can't wait to make you proud of me!_ '

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The rest of the training exercise was filled with you going about in the forest, trying your best to cut the napes of as many fake titans as you could -which did prove to be a tad bit easier now that you felt assured by Annie's offering to help you, ' _She's not as cold as everyone makes her out to be, is she? Either way, I'm so glad I asked her!_ ' In the end, you weren't able to get too many cuts first -seeing as a lot of time had passed since the start of the training and many of them had already been found- however, you did manage to snag one that no one seemed to have their eyes on, which only fueled your sudden confidence that things were going to be ok between you and Mikasa, ' _Even if me cutting the nape first on this one is completely irrelevant to that, it still makes me feel better -as ridiculous as that is._ '

"Hey, you took my-! (Y/N)?!" was the cry that grounded you back to reality when you landed on a tree, the voice easily identified as the one belonging to Eren Jaeger as you turned around to face him -although with a small sense of a twisted victory, given that you had seemingly taken the 'kill' that he was aiming for based on his words, ' _At least, I'm pretty sure that was what he was going to say. I don't know what else it would have been_ ' You gave him a smile regardless as he hung on his own tree trunk, and even though it was laced with a small bit of cockiness at having stolen the title of getting to it first, you surprised yourself the way you found it partially genuine with a small joy and pride, ' _I guess I just feel that much better now that I know Annie will help me._ ' Not too far off from behind him came Armin and Mikasa, your girlfriend attaching herself to a tree that was in between both you and Eren -' _She's facing me more._ ' you noticed pettily to yourself, noting all small details regarding her in your head- and the doe-eyed blonde going on Eren's other side, angling himself towards the other people of the formed group.

"Yup! It's me," you chuckled, "I gotcha good, huh?"

"Seems so," he admitted with a true grin, blue-green hues looking at Armin and then Mikasa before he addressed you, "How many did you get? And don't scuff up your numbers either!" You allowed yourself to roll your eyes, mentally guessing how many you had managed to cut before speaking aloud, "I think it was somewhere around four, although it might've been three so I'll go with that." Jaeger's face lit up as you revealed your numbers, face contorting into a triumphant look before he revealed his count, "I got six!"

Letting out a huff of amusement at his reaction, you partially listened as he focused his attention on his two friends for their numbers, ' _Maybe they broke off into their own groups at some point -or perhaps he just didn't bother to keep track of what they scored, that's possible too._ '

Naturally, your eyes drifted over to the bobbed girl, and you felt a jolt run through you when her spheres met up to yours -however, that jolt calmed down when she sent you a complacent and almost apologetic curve of her lips, a silent reassurance that she wasn't upset at you and if anything, she was sorry for how she had acted before, '' _Life's too short, so don't waste it._ '' you almost gasped in surprise as you heard Annie's voice in your head, her words automatically playing as you broke off your gaze with Mikasa to focus on the repeated quote better. ' _Why did I think of that just then?_ ' you asked yourself, ' _I don't really need their advice right now, and it's like I've explained to Annie before -our relationship isn't unhealthy. It's just me who's having problems here, so as long as I get fixed -which Annie is going to help me with starting tomorrow- everything will be fine._ '

"Wait, really Mikasa?! You won _again_?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated a little before 7 February, 2021!!
> 
> ((I think within the next two updates -or within the next month or so- I might be able to update this weekly, although I'm uncertain as of now, it may be three updates before I'm able ot do that -or a month and a half))


	5. 5║The Mess Hall

**Thursday, April 11th, 850 at 17:58**

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺ **  
**

Picking up a glass of cool water, in your other free hand you balanced your food tray -eyeing it slightly as you were uncertain if it was going to fall over or not; after giving it a few seconds however, it seemed as if everything was going to be ok, giving you the courage to take your food to where you were going to sit in the Mess Hall.

It had been almost a day and a half since Annie had offered to help you get better at hand-to-hand, and since then, the two of you hadn’t talked much, ‘ _Although I suppose that there really is no need to, we already both agreed to meet up sometime after dinner today._ ’ Your eyes scanned across the room you were in, automatically searching for your regular seat when you faltered; typically, Eren and Armin would sit next to each other at your table, leaving Mikasa to eat at your side opposite from them. But as you took in the scene, you felt your heart sink when Mikasa was sitting in the middle of the blonde and brunette, with there clearly not being enough space for you to sit at their sides but rather be the only one who sat across from them, ‘ _I don’t wanna sit like that, that’s…_ ’ Biting your tongue, you held back a sigh that crept up into your throat and glanced around the room once more -this time in hopes of finding someone else you could sit next to, and it didn’t take you long to find the light-haired teen who had agreed to help you later today, ‘ _Maybe I should go sit with Annie? She still seems to be alone, and I’m going to be spending a good part of tonight with her anyways, so why not? Maybe it’ll lessen any awkwardness that there’ll be._ ’

So without giving another look back in the ravenette’s direction, you turned around and started to make your way to Annie’s table while making sure to still keep a careful watch on your metallic tray. The stronger girl kept her head down as she picked at her dinner, not socialising with anyone as she focused on her food and feigned obliviousness to you growing nearer, ‘ _I’m almost positive she knows that I’m planning on sitting with her now, I mean, she certainly doesn’t seem like the type to be ignorant on what’s going on around herself._ ’

Carefully, as to not spill your bean soup and make a giant mess, you placed your food at the place directly across from her; setting your glass down with a slight, dull click as it made contact with the wooden boards, properly sitting down not long after. At seeing that someone had sat at her table, she slightly picked up her head -light blue spheres meeting to your (E/C) ones momentarily as she addressed you with a small nod of her head, soon enough turning her sight back downwards to her own food.

“Hey Annie,” you started casually, feeling comfortable around her already despite not having known her for that long, ‘ _Maybe it’s because she knows that I’m dating someone? I mean, she doesn’t know who I’m with, but she knows about my problem and seems as if she won’t say anything about it._ ’ It made you feel less lonely, that you were sure of, “How’d your day go?”

“Good.” she simply spoke, taking her silver-coloured spoon and scooping up some mashed potatoes as you yourself picked up your bread-roll and held it in your dominant hand, “Well th-”

_Click._

Another tray plopped itself at your left side, causing both you and Annie to look at whoever it had been, “Mikasa?” you voiced, utterly confused as to why she would sit here when one, she had just been sitting with Armin and Eren and two, she wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of Annie. “(Y/N), I need to speak to you.” She didn’t pay the other person at the table any attention as she turned herself completely towards you, voice void of that usual softness that you longed for whenever it was just the two of you. “Of course, what is it?” you asked, looking at her and giving her your full attention while you waited for her to speak.

“No, _outside_.” she responded, her naturally dark coals holding a small bit of an emotion that you couldn’t properly place in the dimmed atmosphere lit by sparsely placed candles -and internally, you sweat-dropped -uncertain as to what she would want to talk about, ‘ _I don’t think I did anything wrong, what happened? Is she finally done with me? Or did she find out about my agreement with Annie? No, maybe this is about me not sitting over there with her?_ ’ Regardless of the multiple, loosely connected thoughts playing at your mind, you gave her a smile before nodding; smally meeting your vision to Annie to see if she would be bothered by it at all to only find out that she was still working on her slowly cooling soup. Figuring that she had no problem with it, or rather that she didn’t really care at all -and because you wanted to know what was going on- you agreed, “Sounds good to me, lead the way.”

Getting up out of your seat, you made sure not to bump your knees into the table as you stood up, soon after following behind Mikasa as she led you to the exit -that was conveniently near where you and Annie had been sitting- and leaving the noisy, chatter-filled room behind as you reached the doorway and walked past it. The onyx-headed girl shut the door with a click and took a few steps away from the door in the uncharacteristically warm air, causing for you to do that same as you were nervously waiting for what she had in mind; the gentle breeze that went brushing across the both of you practically went unnoticed as the girl who had called you out here softened up her features, “I hope you’re doing well,” she started, sending you a small curve of her lips in a way that made your heart melt at the sweeter side of the usually emotionless girl, “I didn’t mean to come off as too harsh, I just need to ask you something.”

You felt yourself calm down immensely as you came to the conclusion that the reason she pulled you out of the Mess Hall wasn't that serious, "You're fine," you found yourself reassuring her without thinking if you really should, giving her your own smile as you encouraged her to further speak, "What's on your mind?"

A faint blush fell upon both of her pale cheeks, her right hand grabbing onto her crimson scarf and hiking it up her face a little -causing her next words to be slightly muffled, "I was wondering, since we haven't had much of a chance to spend time together, if you were free this Sunday? I know that we don't have permission to leave this weekend, but there's somewhere nearby that I found the other day, and I thought that it'd be nice to bring you there."

"That would be awesome!" you immediately agreed, not having any plans and feeling a lot better about your relationship now that the ravenette had asked you out somewhere -it didn't even bother you that the both of you couldn't leave the training grounds this weekend; it wasn't often that Shadis allowed it, but when he did there was practically not a soul left behind as nearly everyone went into the nearest town, "Where are we going?" you excitedly asked.

Mikasa let out a chuckle at your enthusiasm, an adorable sparkle that shone in her orbs as she shook her head, "I can't tell you."

Pouting, you stuck out your lower lip, "But Mikaaaa, why?

"It's a surprise." she answered simply, watching you try and get the information out of her with amusement.

"And that means you can't tell me?" while asking her the question, you gave her the best puppy eyes you could manage -even if you already knew based on past experiences that it wasn't likely to work.

"Mhm." she hummed her usual response, nodding her head partially as she tried to change the subject to get you to drop it for now, "Now c'mon, let's go. You don't want your food to get cold, do you?"

"Eh," you played with her as you shrugged carelessly, not fighting against the topic-change with the both of you now making your way to the door to reenter the Mess Hall, "Cold or warm, the bean soup isn't any better."

She lightly shook her head, "You need to eat it though, to make sure that you stay healthy. I don’t want you getting sick."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." you grumbled back with rouge-tinted joues, not completely happy with the thought that you had to eat more of the disgusting mixture of a watery liquid and beans. She opened the door for you when you both reached it, allowing you to enter first and take the role of leading the both of you back to the table where your two food trays remained, untouched since you had last seen them.

Starting to sit down at the spot where you had been before, you halted halfway through when you noticed Mikasa sitting down at your side; not bringing her food back over to Armin and Eren as she made herself comfortable at the wooden bench, causing you to try and hold back a smile as you tried not to focus solely on her, ' _After all, Annie doesn't know who I'm dating yet. And although she probably suspects Mika now, it's not like she couldn't have asked to speak to me alone as a friend either. I'll just have to make it really seem like we're just friends now, and that should be enough to clear Mika from her mind._ '

It was only once you had gotten settled down once more that you felt a small bit of guilt, ' _I kinda just left her as soon as I got here though, didn't I? I'll have to apologise for that later if I remember._ ' Deciding to make conversation, you -once again- picked up the small roll of bread and asked your girlfriend a question, "Why'd you decide to sit down over here? Eren and Armin bothering you?"

"Ah," she started, "No, they're not. I wanted to sit next to my good friend, that's all."

The grin that had been tugging at your lips faltered at her words, and you quickly did your best at hiding it with an even wider smile -uncertain if you were able to hide the hurt in your spheres however as you regarded the girl who remained focused on her food, ' _I shouldn't have said anything, that was stupid. I was practically asking for that one, I just forgot about it for a second._ '

"But aren't they good friends to you as well?"

The air surrounding the three of you became slightly tensed as the platinum blonde spoke up, voicing her thoughts as stopped eating to stare her sky blue hues into Mikasa's darker ones, pressuring her for an answer, "Yes, they are." she replied truthfully, digging her greyed pools into the other girl's with a sudden coldness as she watched her and tried to figure out what her intentions were -if Annie truly had any, "I don't want to be right there when Eren starts something with Jean."

You felt your blood run cold as they now both pinned each other down with iced glares, not completely sure what the best move to make would be as you found yourself unable to properly move or do anything. The two of them seemed oddly intent on something -what that was, you didn't know- as what could have been seconds felt like minutes, neither of them moving as they tried to decipher the other; that was until Annie gave a small shrug, slowly trailing her eyes back down to her food as she decided to drop it for the moment with a hum, "Mm." You couldn't help but look back and forth between them still for a few moments longer, the girls who were just regarding each other seemingly uncaring to the heavy weight added to the air that you couldn't help but notice. Doing your best to brush it off as well -but not being able to do it nearly as well- you occupied yourself with eating your bread roll quietly, ' _That was weird. I really hope that doesn't happen again, that was awful. I mean, I know that Mikasa doesn't like her, but she didn't have to glare at her like that._ '

A small frown played at your lips that you soon dropped, not wanting anyone to see it and ask you for an explanation you currently didn't have -and it didn't take you long to eat the small loaf as you tried to distract yourself, taking a sip of chilled water from your cup before you started to work on your mashed potatoes, ' _Hopefully, the end to dinner comes soon._ '

" _What did you just say, Jaeger?!_ " cried out a voice, masculine and enraged as they seemed to address the topaz-eyed brunette you couldn’t see at the moment, " _You heard me, horse-face!_ "

It made you cringe on the inside at the way their loud voices reverberated throughout the enclosed space and garnered the attention of nearly everyone else in the room, you noticing how Mikasa turned her head towards the two of them with part worry, and part annoyance in her eyes seeing as this wasn’t the first this has happened. Clearly seeing that she wanted to go and break them up -but probably felt as if she should stay here given that she had just said she wanted to stay away from all the commotion that Eren usually caused- you tried to discreetly grant her permission that she didn't need, "You should probably break that up, huh?" you reasoned, "We don't want Shadis coming in here and yelling at us again."

Gratefully, she gave you a minuscule, thankful smile and stood up, already focusing her worry on the two that were still yelling and looking as if they were about to break out in a fight any second now, "You're right, (Y/N). I'll be right back."

"Of course," you grinned a false smile, hating how once again Eren seemed to be pulling your partner away from you; the resentment you were feeling was swirling in the pit of your stomach, making itself comfortable as you did your best to push it back, ' _It's not his fault, it is not his fault._ '

You watched as she walked over to the two -as most other people did at the moment, awaiting for what the ravenette would do this time to break up the two who couldn't seem to stop fighting each other for some reason. Letting out a petite sigh, you turned back around and stuffed some more potatoes in your mouth, swallowing the bland but bearable taste when you remembered that Annie was at the table -only recalling the fact when the blonde got up from her seat, "I'm ready, let's go."

' _R-Ready?_ ' you thought at first, ' _Oh, to help me get stronger, right._ '

"W-Wait, I can't leave her though..." you protested, referencing Mikasa who said that she wouldn’t take long.

"Why not? She left you."

"It's- It's just different." Looking down at your own tray and seeing your still filled tray -there were still mashed potatoes and all of the bean soup left- you realised that there was no point in finishing it since you had no desire to; that meant that if you were to stay, against Annie's wishes, it would be for the sole purpose of waiting for your girlfriend to return, "You want my help, don't you?" she asked, an inquisitive aspect about her as she questioned you. "Well, yeah..." you admitted, not daring to look up at her again.

"This is the best way I know how to. Now let's go."

"Ok, I'm… I’m coming," you relented, feeling the smallest bit remorseful about what you were going to do as you brought your spheres up to hers, "What do you mean though, when you said that this is the best way you know how to help me? What does that have to do with doing it now, or in ten minutes?"

She regarded you, searching your eyes for something unknown to you as she took a moment before replying, "More time, that's all."

For some reason you found yourself disappointed at her answer, nodding along with it anyways as she then turned and left to turn in her tray for the night, you taking one last swig of your water from your glass while you got up and got everything ready to be returned, ' _It might be better this way, leaving before Mika gets back. It’s a jerk move, but at least I won't be forced to stuff all of this down nor will I have to explain while I'm leaving with Annie. Besides, it's for the betterment of our relationship in the end._ '

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺ **  
**

The grass was silent under your feet as you walked across the forest floor, your boots pushing the blades against the ground as you and Annie traversed into a woods not too far off from the training grounds, ' _Actually, I this is still inside the boundaries -it's just that not many people come out here when they don't have to._ ' you told yourself, remembering the location as the one that was typically used for the 'titan-killing' practice you had done the day prior. Eyeing one of the fake titans, you shivered the smallest bit as you couldn't help but picture one of the actual beasts in its place; staring down at you with an insatiable hunger to tear your limbs off one by one slowly.

Shaking your head, you directed your focus to the girl you were currently trailing behind, "Where are we going exactly, again?"

"Here." she shortly answered, taking a few more steps towards a clearing that you had previously missed. Not wanting to waste any time, you followed behind her and glanced about where she had taken you -only for your breath to catch in your throat as you took it all in. It was breathtakingly beautiful, the clearing opening up to overlook either a small lake or a giant pond that was shimmering under the setting sun about ten metres away from you both; the body of water itself was surrounded by trees, branches stemming from each one and hanging over the ground that covered the distance from the and the water in an attempt to get more sunlight -including the space above you. Closer up to the border of the lake was off-white sand that gradually faded into the vibrant grass-covered dirt that you currently stood on, "Annie, this is... This is _beautiful_. How did you ever find this place?"

"It’s where I train," she said nonchalantly, "Are you done ogling at the place now?" Blinking yourself out of your stupor, you nervously giggled and scratched the back of your neck in embarrassment, "Ah, yes, sorry about that."

"Good. Then let's start." she spoke, taking a few steps away from you as you mirrored her in an attempt to be as easy to work with as possible, "I'm going to let you make the first move; I want you to pay attention to how I take you down. Ok?"

At her reoccurring confidence in her abilities -she had displayed it yesterday when she said that she was, without a doubt, joining the Military Police- you almost wanted to back up and retract your request, ' _No, I can't do that. Not after she offered to help me, and I especially can't because then I'm all on my own in trying to impress Mika..._ ' Giving her an agreeing nod, you readied yourself the best you could in a stance that felt awkward to you -the amber-haired teen in front of you getting into her own position seemingly with no trouble at all; her hands brought up next to her face and her legs parted and angled in a way so that she was partially crouched, ' _The Walls, what have I gotten myself into?_ '

Mentally preparing yourself for what you were about to do, you took in a deep breath and tried to calm your nerves, leaning back a little before sprinting towards the girl; it took you no time to reach her, just as it took no time for her to kick you in your upper right side and cause you to drop down to the ground in immense pain, "ᴺᵍʰʰ... ᴼʷ..." With a sharp intake of air, you squinted your eyes shut as you tried to overcome the white pain that seared across you, ' _She wasn't kidding when she said she wasn't going to take it easy on me, I could barely process what she was doing before it was too late._ '

She looked down at you with a blank face as she watched you recover, "What did you notice?"

' _That it hurt. A lot, unbelievably so, so much._ ' you thought, looking up at the leaves that were starting to bud and grow on the branches above you as you tried to push your throbbing side out of the forefront of your mind. Closing your eyes as you tried to replay the event in your mind, you faintly recalled the previous moves she had pulled, ' _Well, she kicked me, that's for sure. Seemingly with her left foot, because of where it hurts right now... She also seemed to move her arms a little, she also kinda ducked too._ '

"I uh, I noticed that you kicked me, and moved your upper body as you did so."

"Correct." she started, watching you as you began the process of standing up -you making sure not to hit the right side of your ribcage with your arm as you did so, "I used my upper body to gain more momentum in my leg when I kicked you; I also kept my other leg slightly bent to ensure that I was ready to move at a moment's notice." Not remembering her doing so but not seeing any reason as to why she would lie to you, you nodded your head and stood back up straight, slightly stretching your already-starting-to-ache body as you did so, "Got it, noted."

"I'm going to attack you now, I want you to try and do what I did to you before, on me now."

With determination flowing throughout you, you did your best to get into the position that she had put herself in before your failed attempt at taking her down, a small huff of air leaving your lungs as you tried to figure out how to move your body to do what she had done properly, "Ready?"

"Yes."

She ducked forwards as she rushed forwards suddenly, speeding towards you as you took this chance to do as she had; you swung your right hand behind you as you picked your left foot off of the ground, trying your best to keep the appendage straight and hit her in her side as she did to you -you completely missed however, the blue-eyed girl not even needing to dodge as your leg went over her head and soon after caused for you to fall down, ultimately taking yourself out.

' _How in the name of Maria did she even manage to stay upright before? And take me down in the process too..._ ' You laid on the grass for just a moment, lazily watching her out of the corner of your eye as she stood up and addressed you, "You used more momentum than you can handle." she stated factually, "Try to tone it back a little bit, and slowly work your way up over time."

' _This isn't going to be easy, is it?_ ' you mentally complained to yourself, standing up once more and eventually getting into a position that resembled the one you had entered before -yet despite your struggles, you couldn't stop the smile that started to form upon your lips; after all, the more hardships you go through now, means the lesser the chances of Mikasa not being impressed when you eventually show her how much you've learned, ‘ _All I have to do is listen to her, and it’s practically guaranteed. Those rumours about her being strong in hand-to-hand combat weren’t lying, she’s skilled; now all I have to do is trust her to be able to help me and everything is going to be ok!_ ’

Abruptly, you beamed at the girl happily- unknowingly causing a small look of surprise to flash across her features at your following words as you complied to her wishes, "Sounds like a plan, Annie. I trust you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated an hour before February 21, 2021! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! This is supposed to be updated every other Sunday, but I'm not sure how much I'll stick to that ((as in, I'll probably update more often than that))
> 
> Started 3 January, 2021!


End file.
